Tuesday, July 8, 2014

abundant joy, abundant peace,

There are moments in life like the one I am about to share that just leave me longing for home. Not this house I call home but the Kingdom that I have been promised. Lord come soon.

My youngest son that we call "the prince" was diagnosed with autism when he turned 3. The thing I struggle with the most with autism is the loss of normalcy! I titled my blog "resisting normalcy" because everyday I feel the temptation of longing for normal life instead of God. I mean "normal" doesnt even exist right?? and yet it temps to steal my joy.....

We want good children, a perfect husband, preferably one that reads minds and sweeps you off your feet. We want the girls life on Facebook who looks good, her children read there bibles, her selfies are amazing, she has cute kids, a husband who must send her flowers everyday and  not to mention she has awesome Facebook statuses.....oh and a lot of "likes"

am I right??

My flesh paces and cries

The Spirit speaks "peace" and "be still."

I am desperately and madly in love with my son but I desperately long for the day in God's Kingdom when we will sit and talk about the wonders of God together. No stemming, no tantrums, no mis understandings or gluten free diets, no learning disability or lack of speech. Just together, in love with our Creator......... Oh my soul!

This July 4th we were invited to our friends house to celebrate!
We had such a good time visiting. My husband was able to join and it was his turn to be on "Prince Duty." AKA following him around everywhere.
It was a good evening but when the fireworks started we were not prepared for what would happen nor the emotion that it stirred our (my hubby and I) hearts. So much that we could not even speak of it after....because we knew no words would come...only tears.

A huge fire work shot up into the sky! Its was so beautiful and all of the children were in AWE!! They began to jump up and down and scream and clap! The prince jumped up and joined them!!! He wasn't  stemming, hand flapping, tantruming, throwing objects, spitting out food or water. He wasn't withdrawn and alone in his world. With every single boom ( and there were a lot) he is clapping and shouting.
Everyones eyes were to the sky but mine and my husband's were staring at the little boy that stood out to nobody then but to us shined brighter than any firework or child there!

And I just cried and cried.

for a moment he was with us and enjoying people around him and so very happy!

Some people say "i bet you wouldn't want him any other way"

Yes and No

No, because he has brought me so much joy. God chose me to mother him! I consider in an honor to be his momma! While my other children are growing tall and strong in heart and mind...my sweet prince stays young! Thats why you will see me carrying around my 45 pound prince...sleeping! You know that book "love you forever"?????? The one pic of the old lady holding her adult son???
He makes my life sweeter. He brings so much joy to my life and I am so thankful for him.

Yes, because I LONG to speak to him and for him to speak back! Sometimes I have dreams that we are just talking and OH HOW SWEET they are. I would love to hear whats on his mind, which super hero he loves the most, to hear him tease his sisters or hear all of his questions about life!

The greatest thing of all about all of this heart ache we have on earth is that it is temporary. Some day we will be healed and at peace fully.....and while we are on earth we can still have abundant JOY while we are waiting. I have seen in it throughout time and I see it still in my own and other's lives. In the midst of pain, trial and tribulation Christ redeems and JOY and PEACE are abundant and overflow.
I cried on the 4th of July because I'm so happy. To see your special one dancing and enjoying life...oh have mercy....there are no words.